


Day One

by VanishedElf



Category: taekook - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Actor Taehyung, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Coping, Happy Ending, It's the pandemic, M/M, Office AU, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Study Drugs, Trans Kim Taehyung | V, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, consultant Jungkook, public urination, taekook, trans boy taehyung, vkook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanishedElf/pseuds/VanishedElf
Summary: Taehyung helps Jungkook quit study drugs over the Christmas break.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V
Comments: 28
Kudos: 150





	Day One

Jungkook was halfway up the hill when he heard something strange.

It sounded a bit like a grunt. He glanced around. The sun had already dipped below the horizon and the park was bathed in shadow. The hill was covered in trees. It was pretty deserted. A little picturesque. A little creepy. He shoved his hands in his pockets and quickened his pace, cutting behind an evergreen towards the main path, and almost walked into someone squatting on the ground.

The person had longish hair dangling in their face. They were dressed in a checkered jacket. Baggy gray slacks pooled around their ankles. The second Jungkook came barreling around the tree, their head jerked up.

Jungkook looked away. 

Here he was, out for his first walk the entire month, and he comes across someone squatting in the shadows with their pants down. What were the chances?

Jungkook actually didn’t know. He hadn’t been out of his house in a while. It was possible the world had gotten a bit wilder since he last checked. Public bathrooms were closed, unemployment rates were up…

Either way, taking a pee, or.. whatever… in Jungkook’s opinion, was a bit of a vulnerable spot to be in, so he quickened his pace—partially to give the person some privacy—but mainly to escape and put this experience behind him as quickly as possible. 

“Oh fuck you saw me.”

But now that wasn’t going to happen, because the person was actually fucking _talking to him._ Jungkook came to a brittle stop, swinging his arms at his sides.

“Excuse me?” he grated out.

“You saw me.” In Jungkook’s peripheral vision, the person shook their butt a few times and stood up. There was a zipping sound. “Peeing.”

There was a long pause.

Jungkook let out a slow breath. “It wasn’t going to be weird but then you said something.”

“Jungkook, right?”

“That’s right—wait.” Jungkook turned to face the person. His jaw relaxed somewhat when he saw who it was. “Taehyung? From the office?”

“Used to be.” Taehyung stuffed his hands in his pockets. “All the receptionists got laid off in July.”

“Sorry to hear about that.”

They stared at each other for another long moment. Jungkook’s brain hissed quietly like a speaker left on without an input. He imagined small trails of smoke trickling out both his ears.

“Uh.” Jungkook shuffled his feet. The mention of the office had him slipping clumsily into autopilot small-talk mode. “So how’ve you been with all this…” He gestured around them.

“Just peachy. I work at Starbucks now.” Taehyung’s boxy grin was a little ironic. “Not the best, but beats being cooped up at home all day.”

“I should come by sometime and…” Jungkook’s brain came up empty. The furrow in his brow deepened. He used to be so good at this shit, clever banter and retorts. Now he wouldn’t survive two minutes at a company barbecue. “Maybe I’ll come get a drink sometime.”

“You should. It’s the one by the university train station.” Taehyung took a step closer. They were almost the same height, so Taehyung had to hunch to get the whole peering-up-at-your-face-in-a-vaguely-concerned-manner thing going. “What about you?”

What about Jungkook?

“What have you been up to?”

What _had_ Jungkook been up to?

He blinked, running a hand back through his hair. It was long—almost down to his shoulders—and a little greasy. When he was on video calls he tied it up, but he hadn’t bothered tonight. He hadn’t been expecting to run into anybody who would recognize him.

“You want the boring answer?” he asked vaguely.

“No, of course not.”

Taehyung took another step closer. Neither of them was wearing a mask, but Jungkook couldn’t find it within himself to step away. Taehyung’s hair was almost as long as Jungkook’s. His massive eyes bore into Jungkook from between two ebony curtains like stage lights turned on the audience.

“I want the honest answer.”

Jungkook forced his face into a stiff smile. “I’ve been trying to kick a habit.”

“Oh?”

When Jungkook didn’t respond, Taehyung asked, “Which habit?”

“Study drugs,” Jungkook grunted.

“Which ones?”

“Dexedrine. Long and short acting.”

“Oh, that’s—”

“And Vyvanse.” Jungkook’s smile stiffened. “I started taking them over the summer, bummed them off an old college buddy when work picked up and I was finishing this data science certificate, but even after I graduated I kinda kept taking them, and I don’t know why I’m telling you this it’s super inappropriate—”

“That’s _rough_.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook muttered. “It hasn’t been easy.”

“So you’re trying to quit them?”

“My project manager called a mandatory vacation, even though go-live is next month.” Jungkook sucked in a slow breath and held it. Just thinking about the deadline made his skin twitch. “Today until New Years, we’re off. No meetings allowed. I thought it would be a good chance to finally take care of it.”

“How’s that going?”

“Terribly.”

“Do you want help?”

A car drove by up the hill. Headlights slid across the treetops, casting a flickering glow over Taehyung’s face; a muted flash of high cheekbones, downturned lips, and enormous eyes. Jungkook glanced over his shoulder, feeling oddly exposed—and then they were cast in darkness once more.

Jungkook blinked. “Ex… excuse me?”

“You live alone?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Well obviously that’s going to make it harder.” Taehyung’s boxy teeth and the whites of his eyes glowed in the teal light. “I’ll crash at your place. Keep you company. Keep you on the straight and narrow.”

Jungkook must’ve been making a face because Taehyung burst out laughing.

“What? You _do_ want to quit right?”

“You’re the regional partner’s nephew,” Jungkook said. “We shouldn’t be having this conversation. Oh god, I just told Ahn Hyujin’s nephew that I’m hooked on study drugs.” He took a few steps to the side, gripping at his hair.

“Hey.”

Taehyung’s footsteps got closer. A big hand squeezed Jungkook’s shoulder, and despite the husklike state of Jungkook’s mind, _fuck_ did that ever feel nice.

“You want a hug?”

A pause.

“Why not,” Jungkook muttered. 

Taehyung went in for the arms-over-Jungkook’s-shoulders kind of deal. Jungkook found himself clinging to Taehyung’s torso, chin crunched up in the itchy fabric of his checkered wool coat. 

“Haven’t hugged anyone in months.”

“Fucking brutal,” Taehyung groaned. 

“Shouldn’t be doing this.”

“True…”

Taehyung pulled away, and took a step back. Jungkook let out a long exhalation.

“If it helps, I’ve been living alone and isolating despite work,” Taehyung said.

“Same.”

“We could be each other’s close contacts.”

“Close contacts… with the regional partner’s nephew.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell Auntie about your little chemical friends.” 

“You better not.”

“So what do you say?” Taehyung kicked Jungkook’s shoe. “Wanna camp out for the next few days? Say bye-bye to mister d and v?” 

“D and V.”

“Like dex and vy—oh.” Taehyung covered his mouth, snickering loudly through his mitten.

Jungkook snorted. “Haven’t seen much of those lately either.”

“Oh man, tell me abou—wait.” Taehyung paused. “You’re into dick?”

“I’m into anything.”

Taehyung stared at him like he was seeing him for the first time. “I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t exactly parade it around the office. Haven’t seen the office for a while though.” Jungkook shrugged. “It doesn’t seem to matter as much if people know now.”

“You had a girlfriend…”

“She dumped me just before the pandemic.”

Taehyung cringed. “Yikes.”

Jungkook chewed on his lower lip.

Seeing Taehyung brought back memories; people bustling around, the smell of coffee and perfume, board rooms packed with people, the ding of elevators. Taehyung had been one of the morning receptionists. He always used to dress in patterned ties and cute little suits. He wore his hair in a shiny bowl cut back then, with a pair of gold-rimmed glasses perched on the tip of his nose. Jungkook said hi to him every morning on the way to his meetings.

Now Taehyung’s hair was long and shaggy. He was either wearing contact lenses or he’d decided he didn’t mind if the world was a little out of focus on his late-night stroll. His lips were chapped. There was some acne around his chin, probably from wearing a mask all day at Starbucks, and there were slight bags underneath his eyes, but next to Jungkook, he looked like he’d just finished two weeks at the spa.

“It’s not going to be fun,” Jungkook said. “I’m going to be tired as fuck, and probably irritable.”

“Yeah, I know. Lots of friends in college had to quit after midterms and finals.”

“Maybe even depressed.”

“Here for it.” Taehyung leaned forward, raising his eyebrows. “I’m an _actor_. It’s been almost six months since I’ve seen a stage. This’ll be good practice for when I get cast as someone who’s addicted to something.”

“That’s why you’re doing this?”

“Not really. I’m doing this to help you because I like humans and I think you’re cool, but you’re too prideful to accept my offer point-blank so I’m making it about me so you’ll cool your jets.”

Jungkook grunted.

“Why do you want to quit, anyway?”

“Haven’t been eating or sleeping much. Workouts are starting to slip and I’m losing my gains.”

“You do look a little rundown.”

“I look like shit.”

Taehyung’s eyes slid down, and back up again. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I’m going to be a nightmare.”

“Jungkook, _please._ ” Taehyung stomped his feet. He actually stomped his feet, like a child. “This is the most interesting thing that’s happened to me in months. We both live alone, we’re both pretty safe, and it seems like you could actually use some help. What’s the harm?”

Jungkook’s brain fizzled, defenseless against Taehyung’s logic.

“Where do you live?” Jungkook asked emotionlessly.

“I’m in a basement suite near the university.”

“Cool.” Jungkook pulled his phone out.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling you an Uber to your place, so you can pick up whatever you need, and then back to mine.” He laughed humourlessly. “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.”

Taehyung whooped. 

The two of them trekked back to the entrance of the park. The Uber pulled up a couple minutes later. Taehyung donned a stretchy black mask and disappeared into the backseat, flashing Jungkook a peace sign through the window as the car pulled away. 

Jungkook watched it go.

And then he turned and sprinted as fast as he could back to his condo.

By the time he got back, he was gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. His heart was going at a speed that seemed disjointed from how hard he’d pushed himself. Maybe it had been a good idea to take Taehyung up on his offer. He needed to get off these things, asap.

He warned the concierge that he was having a friend over and to please buzz his unit when he arrived. He and Taehyung had forgotten to exchange numbers; a blatant oversight on Jungkook’s part. It was possible some of it was due to the pandemic fog brain everyone was talking about, but he couldn’t be sure until he removed the most likely set of factors from the mix.

He burst into his condo like a madman. The counter was littered with half-eaten takeout boxes. There were clothes scattered on the floor outside his bedroom. There were three bags of garbage piled next to the door. Jungkook snatched them up, jogged to the garbage chute, hauled ass back, and was smacked by such a strong dizzy spell he had to sit down. 

Yeah, he really needed to get clean.

Taehyung knocked on his door fifteen minutes later. Jungkook pulled the door open and trudged to the sink, pouring himself a glass of water.

“Sorry for the mess,” he murmured.

“Holy shit.” Taehyung wandered into the living room. There were backpacks hanging from both his shoulders. His polka-dot socks slid through Jungkook’s cushy carpet like lizards creeping through swamp grass. “The view is amazing.”

“You can see the tower if you stand next to the couch,” Jungkook stated; another autopilot reflex surfacing from his past—talking up the condo to guests back when he used to entertain.

Taehyung’s eyes were sparkling. “This place is dreamy.”

“Really?” Jungkook glanced around. He’d been living in his condo alone for almost nine months. It was hard to see it through someone else’s eyes, hard to see it as anything but a musty cave for its musty dweller.

Taehyung spun around and struck a pose. “I’m feeling enlivened already.”

Jungkook squeaked out a few lifeless chuckles.

Taehyung fixed Jungkook with a look. “You look sweaty.”

“I am sweaty. I almost passed out five minutes ago trying to take out the garbage.”

“Oooh, yeah. Okay.” Taehyung put his bags down and came around the counter to massage Jungkook’s shoulders. “You’re probably sleep-deprived as fuck. Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll cook something.”

“The fridge is pretty empty.”

“I’ll be creative.”

Even though the hot water made him feel woozy, Jungkook felt much better once he stepped out of the shower. He squirted leave-in conditioner into his palm and stared at it, listening to the clanking sounds coming from the kitchen.

The last time he’d heard someone else bumbling around his condo the hooks on the back of the door had been hung with two towels, not one. The counter around the sink had been piled with cosmetics and makeup bags. Jennie used to line up her nail polish behind the faucets in a gradient—purples to pinks, pinks to reds.

Now the counter was empty except for a couple strands of floss and a twisted-up tube of miconazole for the jock itch Jungkook didn’t have anymore because he wasn’t working out these days. He swept the floss into the wastebasket and tucked the cream into the mirror cabinet.

“Oh yeah, you look much better.”

Jungkook ambled into the kitchen dressed in an Under Armour t-shirt and Lululemon sweatpants. He’d purchased both items at a ludicrous price back when he used to work out each morning at the company gym.

Jungkook’s counter had a sink and dishwasher on one side and a set of barstools on the other. He sat down on one of the stools and watched Taehyung pour spaghetti sauce and canned mushrooms over two plates of pasta. Most of Taehyung’s hair was tied back in a little ponytail. The rest was kept in place by a dark green headband. Jungkook’s hair dangled in his face, drip-drying on his shoulders.

“Voila.” Taehyung slid a plate in front of Jungkook, and then a fork. He walked around and plopped down beside him.

“Thanks.” Jungkook pierced a mushroom and looked at it.

“Eat what you can. We’ll pack up the rest for tomorrow.”

Jungkook nodded. Theoretically, the mushroom looked good, but his stomach was showing very little interest.

“I’m glad you were able to find something to make.”

“Your cupboards are decently stocked,” Taehyung said matter-of-factly. “Probably because you’ve been ordering Skip every night.”

Jungkook realized that all the boxes were gone and the rest of the garbage had been taken out. He pressed his palm to his forehead and groaned. “I’ll find a way to repay you.”

“Dude.” Taehyung turned to him, chewing noisily. “You need to chill. I lived with lazy theatre kids my whole undergrad. I don’t care.”

“You don’t even know me.”

“Sure I do. Jeon Jungkook, the young upstart from solutions architecture. My aunt loves you. She’s thinking about giving you a promotion at the end of the year.”

“Shit, actually?”

“Fuck.” A guilty smirk curved its way across Taehyung’s lips. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook was smirking too. “Probably not.” 

Taehyung scraped the rest of his spaghetti into his mouth, slurping it right off the plate, and washed it down with a couple swigs of water from Jungkook’s glass. Jungkook watched the whole thing transpire in a detached manner.

“Done?” Taehyung motioned to Jungkook’s plate.

“Yeah.” 

“Don’t worry. By the time tomorrow rolls around you’ll be hungry again.” Taehyung wrapped the plate in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge.

Jungkook lay in bed while Taehyung took a shower. He wasn’t used to people as upbeat as Taehyung. Taehyung wasn’t the type of person to talk his ear off and exhaust him, but whenever he spoke, he seemed laidback and open; the antithesis to how Jungkook had been feeling these days. People like Taehyung usually made Jungkook feel inadequate somehow, but Jungkook couldn’t find it within himself to care just then. 

Part of it was the fact that he was at the tail end of his comedown. Another part of it was the fact that Taehyung wasn’t from Jungkook’s world. Taehyung was an actor _._ Even just the word brought to mind images of debauchery, fluidity, sin—tenets of the stereotypical thespian in Jungkook’s mind. Perhaps Jungkook was overgeneralizing, but in the very least, Taehyung didn’t seem put off by Jungkook’s current state, and that in and of itself was something Jungkook could appreciate right now, even if the world itself felt far away and bizarre. 

The bathroom was connected to the master bedroom through a walk-in closet. Taehyung appeared in the threshold, dressed in a fuzzy pink robe and slippers, bringing with him the scent of moisture, soap, and Jungkook’s mint shampoo.

He sauntered around the bed and peeked out Jungkook’s curtains. “The view’s pretty lit from here too.”

“Your robe looks comfortable.”

“It’s fuzzy as fuck.”

“I’m so tired,” Jungkook groaned, “but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.”

Taehyung ran a finger down the windowpane. “You wanna have sex?”

Jungkook stared at Taehyung for an indeterminate amount of time.

“I’m not going to be able to come, but if you’re okay with that…”

Taehyung walked to the bed and poked the mattress with his foot. He had nice feet. Pretty toes. He studied Jungkook with his hands in his robe pockets.

“Today you saw me peeing.”

“Okay,” Jungkook stated, the same way he might if he were taking down key points at the end of a meeting.

“I was squatting.”

“Right.”

“To pee.”

“Okay.”

“Which is a little weird.”

Jungkook blinked. “Now that you mention it, that is kind of strange.”

“But I wasn’t taking a dump.” Taehyung paused. “I was squatting because I don’t have a dick.”

“You’re transgender.”

“Well, shit. You figured that out fast.” 

“My brother’s transgender.”

“Oh.” Taehyung exhaled slowly. His foot slid off the mattress onto the floor with a thump. It was weird seeing him nervous. “Well, that’s cool. You said you were into anything when we were chatting in the park, but I just wanted to make sure, in case things got… awkward with…”

“It won’t be awkward.” Jungkook snorted. “I mean, if my dick stops working things might get awkward, but that’s on me.”

Taehyung screwed up his face. “Are you even into this? Or am I being pushy?”

“I always thought you were hot. I just couldn’t work up the courage to ask you out because you were Hyejin’s nephew.”

“And you had a girlfriend.”

“Oh yeah, right. That too.”

Taehyung giggled—a deep, clumsy sound.

“I mean, yolo right.” Jungkook made a gesture with both hands and then let them smack back onto the mattress. “It’s the fucking pandemic.”

Taehyung crawled onto the bed, inching closer. He reached out, hands hovering over Jungkook’s body, like he didn’t know if he was allowed. Jungkook took one of his hands and pressed it to his chest. Both of them swallowed audibly.

“Feels nice just to like… touch someone.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said.

“You wanna feel how fuzzy my robe is?” 

Jungkook ran his hands down Taehyung’s arms, squeezing as he went. When he got to Taehyung’s hands, he gave them a squeeze too.

“It’s really nice.”

“You wanna take it off for me?”

Jungkook still felt mostly dead inside, but having a task to accomplish was helping. He’d always enjoyed the feeling of being productive and useful. He untied the front of Taehyung’s robe and pushed it down over Taehyung’s shoulders. Taehyung looked even more slender in the nude than he did clothed. There was nothing to fill out the lithe curve from his ribcage to his hip bones, the stark space around his collarbones.

“Do you like my nipples?” Taehyung asked, self-consciously. “I think they turned out alright, but sometimes I’m not sure…”

Taehyung’s chest was flat. There was a little scarring around the edge of each nipple. Jungkook leaned over, pressing a kiss to the left one, and Taehyung gasped. 

“You can still feel them?”

“Sensation’s been returning, yeah.”

“My brother finally got an appointment. He’s going to get his done this spring.”

“That’s great.” Taehyung’s voice bounced with excitement. “You should introduce us sometime.”

“I think he’d like that.”

Taehyung pulled Jungkook’s shirt off over his head, and then his sweatpants. Jungkook frowned down at his flaccid dick.

“Don’t think about it,” Taehyung said. “I’m having a fun time either way.”

He crawled on top of Jungkook. It was a slippery, silky, lying down hug… legs tangled, ribs grazing, tummies pressed together. Taehyung pressed his face into Jungkook’s neck and Jungkook groaned.

“Feels nice?”

“Really nice,” Jungkook breathed.

He could feel himself starting to get harder. He didn’t want to question it too much in case he spooked it away. Taehyung pulled open the drawer next to the bed and giggled.

“What is it now?”

“Your condom assortment is insane. Where did you get so many different kinds?”

“Nightclubs… sex positive workshops through work…” Jungkook craned his neck to look. “Make sure you pick one that isn’t expired.”

“Durex ultra thin.” Taehyung read the fine print. “Seems legit.”

“There’s lube too.”

“Don’t know if we’ll need it, but I’ll take it out just in case.”

Taehyung placed the condom and lube next to Jungkook’s pillow. Jungkook had gone soft again. Taehyung reached for Jungkook’s hand.

“Feel like opening me up a bit?”

“Hell yeah.” 

Jungkook was amazed at how _into this_ he was. Relatively speaking, it was by far one of the most faded sexual experiences he’d had in his life, but compared to his general level of happiness and arousal in the past two months, the past five minutes with Taehyung were breaking the scale, limp dick problems or not.

He slid his hand up Taehyung’s inner thigh, and then turned it, so his palm was facing upwards. He felt around in Taehyung’s folds for his opening.

“Oh yeah, you’re really wet.”

“It’s been a while.” Taehyung took forced, slow breaths. “And you’re really sexy.”

Jungkook grunted, biting back whatever self-deprecating comment he’d been about to make, and pushed his fingers inside Taehyung. Taehyung gasped, gripping Jungkook’s shoulders. Jungkook rolled his fingers upwards, and Taehyung toppled forward, planting his hands on either side of Jungkook’s head.

“You’re so responsive.”

Taehyung pinched one of Jungkook’s nipples. A sharp moan escaped Jungkook.

“So’re you,” Taehyung mumbled. He reached lower, trailing his knuckles over Jungkook’s abs, his belly button, his untrimmed bush, and then wrapped his long fingers around Jungkook’s dick.

“Houston, we’re in the half-chub territory.”

“Good,” Jungkook laughed, breathless.

Taehyung straightened up, holding himself up with his legs, and gripped Jungkook’s wrist with his free hand, grinding down on his palm.

“Fuck, that’s hot.”

Taehyung nodded, eyebrows arching upwards.

A couple minutes more of this grinding and handie business and Jungkook was hard enough that Taehyung was able to get a condom on him. Taehyung gave the tip a squeeze, making sure there was enough room for Jungkook’s come—if, by some fluke of nature, he actually orgasmed in his faded state—and promptly sat down on him.

Jungkook whined, arching off the mattress.

“Oh lordie,” Taehyung groaned. “Now that’s the shit I’ve been missing.”

“Haven’t been getting around much either?”

“Not in real life. I’ve had a few online hook-ups. I’m basically addicted to this sexy role-playing game.”

“Sexy role-playing game.”

“It’s nerdy as fuck. You might like it.” 

“Show me later.”

Jungkook gripped Taehyung’s hips, thrusting up hard to compensate for his lack of girth. Taehyung tumbled forward again. They almost smashed noses.

“That okay?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung whispered. “I like that.”

Jungkook fucked Taehyung slowly. Taehyung’s eyes were closed. His lips were twitching. Small, achy moans kept catching in his throat.

“Taehyung,” Jungkook said.

“Y-yeah?”

“Can I kiss you? Or would that be weird?”

“Not weird.”

Taehyung kissed him open-mouthed. Jungkook’s eyes tumbled closed. Jungkook had always been a kisser. Jennie had teased him about it multiple times, how much he liked kissing. Having sex without kissing always felt a bit more like mutual masturbation to him, which wasn’t necessarily bad, but once the kissing started, it was like a bunch of loose threads were tied together; and when someone kissed him the way Taehyung was right now, the threads melted away entirely.

“Gonna touch myself,” Taehyung said, in between kisses.

“Want me to do it for you?”

“Won’t be able to come unless I do it.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook’s whimper was swallowed by Taehyung’s mouth. Taehyung’s wrist whirred between his legs, jerking from side-to-side. His thighs were shaking. “Oh fuck,” he whined. His lips went slack, and then a broken noise rose up in his throat. “Oh fuck, ‘m coming Guk—”

Jungkook opened his eyes. He watched Taehyung’s mouth drop open, jaw sliding to the side. He watched Taehyung’s thick eyelashes flutter and a pink flush creep its way down his neck to his chest. Taehyung’s body convulsed around him.

“Fuck,” Jungkook grunted.

Taehyung opened his eyes. They were sparkling; a little glassy.

“Can I rail you for a bit?” Jungkook grated out. “Just wanna, wanna see—”

“ _Please_.”

Jungkook flipped them over, kissing hard up Taehyung’s neck. Taehyung wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s shoulders, moaning already—such pretty, broken moans, and Jungkook hadn’t even started yet. Jungkook squished Taehyung up in his arms, buried his face in his shoulder, and let loose.

He was glad his building had concrete walls. Close contacts or not, someone would’ve called the bylaw officer out of spite alone if they’d overheard this mess. Taehyung was moaning himself hoarse, classic, solid, pornographic moans, but Jungkook kept whining—little choked noises, as if he were the one taking it instead of giving it. He didn’t know what was going on.

He was getting really sweaty again. He’d probably need another shower, but the cardio felt less dizzying this time—almost cleansing.

Taehyung was gushing around him. Jungkook could hear it. Jungkook wondered if Taehyung had always been like this. All those mornings that Jungkook walked past the desk and waved at him, and Taehyung smiled back, in his little vests, with those pretty rings on his fingers and a pen tucked behind his ear—had he always fucked like this? That serene, businesslike Taehyung?

“Oh god,” Jungkook choked.

“Gonna come?”

“M-maybe—don’t think I can thrust fast enough.”

“Pull out, jerk yourself off.”

Jungkook pulled out so quickly his mind reeled. He reached down, ripped the condom off, and jerked himself so quickly the slick sounds blurred into a rhythmic hum. Taehyung watched him, legs spread, leaking onto Jungkook’s duvet.

“Fuck, you look like a full-course meal when you wreck yourself like that,” Taehyung murmured.

Jungkook let loose a loud, ugly sound. Taehyung gasped, like he was at the cinema. Jungkook’s wrist stuttered, but he refused to give up. He stroked and stroked and stroked.

“That’s it, Gukkie—”

Jungkook came so hard it almost hurt.

He thumped down onto the mattress, face colliding with Taehyung’s stomach. Taehyung leaned back on the pillows and ran his fingers through Jungkook’s hair.

“Good job.”

“I can’t believe I actually came,” Jungkook said faintly. 

“Stay right there. I’m just gonna… finish myself off one more time.”

Jungkook shifted his head to Taehyung’s thigh. Taehyung positioned a finger on either side of his clit. The room was filled with more slick noises, and then Taehyung’s thigh was tensing up against Jungkook’s face, and his breath got all quivery for a second.

“There…” Taehyung lifted his hand. His fingers were trembling. “That’s better.”

“You came that fast?”

“Sometimes it takes a lot longer. Watching you jerk off like an animal definitely helped.”

Jungkook chuckled a little self-consciously. 

“We could shower,” Taehyung mused. “Or we could sleep in our filth… which also sounds kind of nice.”

“We should shower. I stink.”

Taehyung burst out laughing.

They dragged themselves on wobbly legs to the bathroom. Jungkook soaped up his entire body, but Taehyung forbade either of them from shampooing their hair again. “It’ll strip away our natural oils.” They changed into fresh clothes and crawled into bed.

“The duvet has cum on it.”

“Oh, god.” Taehyung yawned. “Tell me you aren’t the type to change your sheets every time you have sex.”

“Uh…”

“You’re totally the type.” Taehyung rolled over and tossed an arm over Jungkook’s chest. “We’ll do laundry tomorrow if it’ll make you feel better. Oh shit, I almost forgot.” He pushed himself up on his forearm and groped around for his phone.

“Forgot to text someone?”

“Setting an alarm.” Taehyung’s frowning face glowed in the light of his screen. “I have a shift in the morning.” 

“Oh shit.”

“I’ll be off in the afternoon. If you get groceries I’ll cook again.”

Jungkook took Taehyung’s phone out of his hands and entered himself as a new contact.

They drifted off, murmuring about practicalities and plans. Jungkook told Taehyung where the spare key was. He also told him where his drugs were. Taehyung agreed to hide them for him when he got up.

Jungkook’s sleep was fitful. He had the same cycling dreams over and over. Taehyung cuddled him from behind as though Jungkook were a big stuffed animal. Taehyung’s alarm went off at seven o’clock. Jungkook lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. A small part of him regretted asking Taehyung to hide his stash.

Taehyung brought him a cup of tea and two pieces of toast, fist bumped him, and left for his shift.

Jungkook chugged the tea and mowed through the toast in less than five minutes.

He spent the day eating his way through his leftover spaghetti, two cans of soup, a bag of chips, and a frozen pizza. Everything on Facebook was pissing him off. He almost fell asleep through his emailing. Part of him wondered if Taehyung was going to come back. Maybe Taehyung thought he was a loser after last night. Maybe Taehyung was just playing around. The dark thoughts spiraled and surged in merciless waves. He made himself another piece of toast.

Taehyung texted him around three o’clock: _no need to get groceries, I have leftovers from work._

“Fuck,” Jungkook said, realizing he’d forgotten about the grocery run entirely.

An hour later, Taehyung burst in the door hauling a big plastic bag packed with hummus packets, bags of chips, bagels, baked goods, and deli salads. Jungkook’s mouth dropped in awe.

“They give you that much stuff for free?”

“Sometimes when it’s about to expire, yeah. If we can we donate it to the homeless shelter, but the pickup bailed today.”

“Shit.” Jungkook grabbed a breakfast bagel and tore the packaging open. “This reminds me of the catering in the office.”

Taehyung scraped five guacamole containers into a bowl and emptied a couple bags of chips into another.

“Fancy,” Jungkook said, through a mouthful of edamame beans.

Taehyung raised an eyebrow and nodded wisely.

Jungkook ate two salad packs, another sandwich, and several cookies and then he felt like he was actually going to die. He lay on the couch, burping and lethargically scrolling through Netflix. Taehyung sat on the floor with his laptop set up on the coffee table. His typing whirred and rattled like raindrops falling on a tarp. 

“What are you doing?”

“My roleplaying game,” Taehyung said. “My inbox is slammed.”

“Too many people want your sexy times?”

“That’s right.” Taehyung smashed the space bar and then rested his chin on the heel of his hand, staring at the screen. “Not sure I’m going to keep going with this one though. They keep saying shit that sets me on edge.”

“Too kinky?”

“That’s rarely a problem in my world,” Taehyung said lightly. “No, more stuff like… _hot blooded male,_ or going on about _male_ bodies jam-packed with testosterone, and dicks, and…” Taehyung shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just a lot.”

“Sounds kind of heteronormative.”

“I keep forgetting how woke you are. Speaking of which.” Taehyung closed his laptop and fixed Jungkook with a look. “About last night.”

Jungkook’s jaw tensed. He took a deep breath, the same way he did when he knew a client was about to lay into him about something. 

“Did it help, knowing I was trans?”

Jungkook’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Did it make it easier to sleep with me, knowing I don’t have a dick?” Taehyung’s expression was mostly deadpan, but there was something a little forlorn in his eyes. “Was part of the reason you never hit on me before because you thought I was cis?”

“I slept with a couple cis guys back in college before I met Jennie. I thought we’d been through this—I didn’t hit on you because I had a girlfriend at the time, and besides, I thought I kind of was hitting on you.”

“By saying hello to me every morning?”

“We’re here to discuss your concerns, not to scrutinize my flirting techniques.”

“I thought it was sweet.” Taehyung smiled, but it quickly dropped away. “I dunno. You said you didn’t like showcasing your bisexuality, or pansexuality, or whatever around the office. Sometimes guys find it easier to admit to sleeping with a guy if the guy is trans, because he doesn’t have a dick.”

“Do the people at the office know you’re trans?”

“Just my aunt.”

“Well then, unless you told them… in this hypothetical scenario, where everyone finds out we slept together…” Jungkook massaged his eyes. “Oh fuck, if your aunt finds out we slept together I could get seriously fired. Or do you think she’d be chill about it? Oh god.”

“She’s not going to find out, stop worrying.”

Jungkook emerged. His eyes were bleary from all the rubbing. “Okay. Yeah, but in that hypothetical scenario, everyone would think I slept with a cis guy anyway.”

Taehyung stared off into the distance. “True.”

“What are you worried about?”

“Um.” Taehyung thought for a moment. “I guess I’m worried about whether you see me as a guy or not.” He folded his hands in his lap. He was dressed in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. His hair was up in his usual ponytail. “I used to try much harder to dress boyishly, but since the pandemic, I’ve kind of let it go, growing my hair out and stuff. Nobody can see my face in public anyway, and at the café my nametag helps people get it right.” He paused. “But last night you saw everything.”

“I promise you, I see you as a guy.” Jungkook wanted to sound more passionate, but maintaining consciousness was hard enough as it was. His head was pounding. A Dutch crime drama played in the background. He couldn’t bring himself to turn it off, fearing the silence as much as the noise. “My brother transitioned when he was sixteen. I’m two years younger than him. I’ve had a lot of time to get used to this stuff, and even if I didn’t, Tae you’re… you’re a guy. You’re just a guy, what can I say.”

Taehyung crawled over and set his chin on the couch, looking up at Jungkook.

“I’m sorry I’m not explaining it very well. My brain feels like mush.”

“It’s okay.” Taehyung wrapped his hand around Jungkook’s ankle. “You made me feel better anyway.”

Jungkook crushed a glass of water, brushed his teeth, and crashed backwards onto the mattress with a groan. Taehyung lay down beside him. Both of them blinked at the ceiling.

“Think you’ll be able to sleep tonight?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said. “Still kinda wanna get you off, though.”

“How about I get you off, sleepy boy… and you can pay me back later?”

Taehyung rolled onto his hands and knees like a cat and crawled between Jungkook’s legs. Jungkook cradled Taehyung’s face in both hands, massaging his cheekbones with his thumbs, while Taehyung pushed his boxers down and got his dick out.

“Look at you go.”

“I’m not as numb as yesterday. I can actually feel my dick.” Jungkook grimaced. “My head is pounding.”

“All the aches and pains, huh?” Taehyung stroked him slowly. “Do you like blowjobs?”

“I mean, yeah, but you don’t have to—”

Taehyung sucked Jungkook’s tip into his mouth. Jungkook’s sentence train-wrecked into a series of garbled stammers. Taehyung took his time, scratching his nails down Jungkook’s thighs, gently squeezing Jungkook’s balls. Jungkook squirmed and twitched. His weird needy whines were back.

“Can I finger you?” Taehyung asked, brushing a finger over Jungkook’s asshole.

“I don’t know. My stomach feels a little fucky. Can we rain check?”

“Of course.” Taehyung moved his hand higher, back to the base of Jungkook’s dick. “Do you even like butt stuff?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook wanted to say more, but his brain was flatlining again. Or… less so flatlining than flip-flopping. Thoughts came to him, uncoordinated, in random little bursts, with little to no follow through. “If you have a strap-on… you can…” He trailed off.

“I actually brought it.”

“What?” Jungkook laughed breathlessly. “You’re telling me you planned on fucking me when you were packing your bags after the park?” 

“Kind of, yeah.” Taehyung was blushing. He kept his eyes fixed on Jungkook’s cock, stroking it methodically. “But also, it’s good to bring your dick with you wherever you go. You never know when you’re gonna need it.”

“T-true.”

“Are you close?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook swallowed, closing his eyes. “Pretty close.”

Taehyung sucked gently on his tip. Jungkook tried to breathe evenly. Taehyung stroked him a little faster, and he came deep and hard into Taehyung’s mouth with a choked moan.

“Promise I’ll get you back,” Jungkook gasped.

“Sleep, Gukkie.”

Jungkook wanted to apologize for forgetting the groceries. He wanted to thank Taehyung for the amazing blowjob. He wanted to ask Taehyung if he had to work the next day, but the sleep lapping at his body sucked him down almost instantly.

He dreamt of brightly lit castles, endless baskets of jewel-like fruit, and water that never suffocated him. He seemed to sleep forever, dreaming entire lifetimes from start to finish, over and over, waking up for a moment, reassured by Taehyung’s warmth on his back, only to tumble back under.

Jungkook woke up slowly. He glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. It read nine o’clock. He sprang into a sitting position, heart pounding. Taehyung was curled up in a little crunched up s-shape with his face stuffed up against Jungkook’s pillow.

“You okay?” Taehyung murmured.

“Forgot I was on vacation for a second.”

Taehyung let out a tired whimper. Jungkook massaged his shoulder.

“I’m going to go on a jog. You can keep sleeping.”

“Nah.” Taehyung yawned. “I’ll come.”

They dragged themselves up. Jungkook doled out fitness attire for both of them. Taehyung’s eyes were puffy. Neither of them could stop yawning.

It was warm for December.

They jogged down a line of deserted shops, avoiding icy patches. A young couple hurried by, arms loaded with groceries, both wearing pink surgical masks. An old man was pushing a walker towards the bus stop.

“You’re in pretty good shape,”

“Stanislavski, bro.”

“Who’s Stanislavski?” Jungkook asked, weaving around a line of empty newspaper boxes.

“He was a Russian theatre practitioner. People study his system all over the world. Best way to prepare for a role is physical exercise.” 

“Is he your favourite?”

“I’m a bit eclectic. In this day and age, you gotta be.”

They huffed and puffed their way past a grocery store. A glum-looking clerk was stacking carts. Someone’s car alarm was going off. The sun peeked through the clouds, glimmering on car roofs, patches of ice, and damp concrete, rendering the bleak scene oddly ethereal.

Jungkook’s heart felt steadier. His sweat wasn’t as pungent. He kept yawning, but he didn’t feel quite as exhausted as the day before. He also didn’t feel like devouring everything in sight—or at least he didn’t think so, but then they passed an empanada stand and his mouth watered just from looking at the sign.

“Should’ve brought a mask,” he panted.

“Let’s make smoothies when we get back.”

Taehyung’s ponytail bounced with each step. He had a smaller frame than Jungkook, but he gave off a feeling of immense potency. Maybe it was his eyes. Every time he looked at Jungkook, Jungkook felt an overwhelming urge to get closer to him, to give him something. His eyes were doleful, persistent—beckoning.

“I bet you could outrun me when you’re in top form,” Taehyung said.

“I don’t know about that.”

“You’ve got a runner’s bod.” Taehyung checked Jungkook out from the side. “I’ve seen.”

Jungkook laughed. He doubted it was true, but he appreciated Taehyung’s reminder that this wasn’t it. There was a healthier, stronger version of Jungkook waiting to be unlocked. All he had to do was stick to his guns. 

Jungkook resurrected his blender from a bottom drawer, rinsing dust out of the blade. They piled it with a bunch of random shit—fruit cups from Starbucks, yoghurt, canned pineapples, a scoop of hemp seeds from the back of the fridge that still smelled mostly okay. They poured it into pint glasses and gulped it back, leaning against the counter side-by-side.

“Can you get rid of it?”

Taehyung turned to Jungkook. “Your stash?”

Jungkook nodded, wiping smoothie off his chin.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Taehyung nodded. “I’ll take it to the pharmacy this afternoon.”

Jungkook sighed.

Taehyung rested his head on Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook rested his head on Taehyung’s head. Neither of them said anything for a while.

“You’re doing great,” Taehyung said.

“Thanks for everything.”

“Thanks for the adventure.”

“Thanks for the smoothie ingredients.”

Taehyung giggled.

Jungkook was really starting to love that sound.

His brain was shifting so much, it was like he saw a new version of the world every day. Time felt condensed. He’d experienced so many different states over such a short period of time—faded, numb, depressed, coming-off-study-drugs Jungkook… tired, bloated, grumpy, still-coming-off-study-drugs Jungkook… just-went-on-a-jog, feeling a little more alert Jungkook…

Through it all, Taehyung was the only constant.

Jungkook wondered what it would feel like to hang out with Taehyung at his absolute best. How about sipping wine over dinner? What would it be like to talk to Taehyung after one of Taehyung’s performances? After Jungkook got a promotion? In the presence of both their families?

The more Jungkook’s mind cleared, the more miraculous it seemed that Taehyung was actually here. He was no longer a psychopomp making an appearance in one of Jungkook’s dexed-out highs. He was a real, living, breathing person, who was staying at Jungkook’s condo because Jungkook had come across him peeing in a public park.

It wasn’t easy to reconcile. As the chemicals drained from Jungkook’s body, and his life took on normalcy and form, the way they’d reencountered each other remained inherently dreamlike. It was difficult to apply the rules of everyday life to something so random.

Mostly, he tried to remind himself that he hardly knew Taehyung at all.

“Wanna take a shower?”

Taehyung slammed his empty pint glass onto the counter. “Sounds like a plan.”

They filed down the hall and stripped out of their sweaty clothes. Taehyung leaned against the counter while Jungkook ran the water. Neither of them remarked upon the fact that they could’ve taken turns.

Taehyung had barely finished soaping up his pits before Jungkook dropped to his knees.

“Oh fuck,” Taehyung said. 

Jungkook licked into Taehyung’s heat, and then dragged his tongue up over his clit. Taehyung’s hands shot down to Jungkook’s head, gripping his hair. Jungkook nuzzled into Taehyung’s pubic hair, inhaled some water by accident, and sneezed.

“Suck me,” Taehyung murmured. “Could you suck my clit, Gukkie?”

Jungkook pushed Taehyung’s folds apart with his thumbs. His clit stuck out, hard and swollen. Taehyung watched fixedly. His thick eyelashes were heavy with water. Jungkook wrapped his lips around Taehyung and pulled in with his cheeks. A gush of air burst out of Taehyung’s mouth.

“You taste so fucking good.”

“Thanks.” Taehyung’s voice was high and tight. 

Jungkook swirled his tongue, sucking rhythmically. Taehyung spread his knees wider. He kneaded at Jungkook’s scalp. Little husklike moans rose up in his throat, joining the pattering of water against porcelain.

Eventually Taehyung snuck his hand down and took over. Jungkook pushed a finger up inside him, milking his g-spot and watching Taehyung touching himself the way he needed.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Oh god.” Taehyung clenched up hard around his finger, and then started to pulse. “Oh fucking hell.”

Jungkook let fly a moan of his own.

Taehyung’s hand slowed to a stop. Jungkook pushed up and kissed Taehyung’s knuckles.

“Keep going if you want another one.”

“I…” Taehyung swallowed. “I kinda do.”

Jungkook pulled his finger out, and then pushed two in instead.

Taehyung’s jerking was more erratic this time, desperate. He bucked his hips into his own hand, clenching his jaw. Jungkook clumsily stroked himself off with his left hand, watching with bared teeth.

Taehyung came so hard he almost slipped and fell. Jungkook grabbed his hips, steadying him. Taehyung dropped to his knees, giggling.

“You’re so cute,” Jungkook said.

Taehyung caught his eye. There was a moment where they just looked at each other.

Taehyung dropped his gaze.

“So how about it?” He asked softly. “Can we invoke that rain check?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook nodded a bunch of times. “Please.” 

Five minutes later, Jungkook was dripping water all over his pillowcase, positioned on all fours on top of a towel on his bed. The blinds were wide open and the room burned with sunlight. He was glad he was on the thirty-first floor.

“How’re we feeling?”

“Vulnerable,” Jungkook said.

“Been a while for this?”

“A couple years, yeah.”

“Don’t worry.” Taehyung kissed Jungkook’s tailbone. “You’re perfect.”

The sound of a bottle being uncapped erupted in the silence. Jungkook’s blush intensified.

“I’m gonna touch you now.”

Jungkook nodded.

A glob of tepid lube landed on Jungkook’s asshole. Taehyung massaged it in. Jungkook rearranged his hands on the towel, clenching his jaw. Taehyung slid his palm up the small of Jungkook’s back. Jungkook arched into the touch, sighing.

“Are you holding back for my sake?”

“You aren’t even doing anything yet.” Jungkook sucked in a shaky breath. “Don’t wanna seem too eager.”

“Just be yourself, Gukkie.”

Jungkook made a vaguely affirmative noise. Taehyung kneaded his left ass cheek, and then pushed a finger inside him, and a topsy-turvy moan rose up in Jungkook’s throat.

“There you go,” Taehyung said.

By the time Taehyung was done prepping him, Jungkook’s face was buried in the pillow, his chest was pressed to the towel, and his ass was cocked up. His thighs were trembling.

“Are you getting your dick ready?” he asked softly. His cheek was covered in spit from all the moaning he’d done already.

“Yeah. Just gotta get it inside me.”

Jungkook peeked over his shoulder and watched as Taehyung slid one end of an insertable strap-on into his body.

“Glad you fingered me in the shower. This thing is pretty big.”

“The dick looks big too.”

“It’s six inches. Not too bad.” Taehyung lubed up his cock, giving it a few tugs, and then shuffled up behind Jungkook again. “You ready for me?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook scowled into the pillow as the sound of his own voice echoed in his ears. It was still so fucking whiny. 

“Alright, Gukkie.”

The cool tip of Taehyung’s dick pressed against Jungkook’s hole. Jungkook grabbed up handfuls of the pillow. Taehyung slid forward. Jungkook could hardly believe how little resistance his own body was giving such a big object.

“You alright?”

“Want you,” Jungkook whispered. “Want you so bad.”

Taehyung made a noise that was close to a growl.

Jungkook could now confirm that Taehyung’s earlier statement was one-hundred-percent false. He certainly wouldn’t be capable of outrunning Taehyung, now or in the future.

“S-S-S-Stanisla—oh _god—_ ”

“What’s that, baby?”

“S-Stanislavsky m-method’s, your, fuck,” Jungkook moaned, “fucking stroke g-game Taehyung, fucking—”

Taehyung’s laugh came out more like a breathless shout.

Taehyung dropped into something slow and hard. Jungkook’s legs were trembling so badly his hips kept sliding downwards. Taehyung pulled out and pushed him onto his back.

“T-Tae…”

Jungkook could feel his own lips trembling. His hair was a disaster. His cock sprawled on his stomach, leaking, painfully erect. Taehyung loomed over him. Even with his mask acne, he looked like a vampire prince come to steal Jungkook’s soul. The sunlight lit up one of his eyes, turning his black iris into an amber crystal.

“Please,” Jungkook said softly.

A moment later, Jungkook was shaking all over, and Taehyung was inside him again.

“Better?” Taehyung whispered in his ear.

Jungkook nodded, eyebrows arching upwards.

Taehyung lay into him with the same slow, hard thrusts as before. Taehyung was too focused to do much kissing himself, so Jungkook just sucked on his tongue, his slack lips. Taehyung gripped Jungkook’s ass in one hand and jerked him off with the other.

“Nghhgonna, nghh—”

“Gonna come, baby?”

Jungkook’s asshole clenched hard around Taehyung’s cock. A surge of pleasure slid through him like a laser scanning every inch of his anatomy. Jungkook moaned so loudly his voice cracked. Taehyung fucked gently into each contraction, and then slowed to a stop.

Jungkook lay there for a while. His chin was tipped back. He could feel tears trickling down the sides of his face. He breathed softly through parted lips.

He opened his eyes, and Taehyung’s dark, imploring eyes were watching him.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“How do you feel?”

“Amazing.”

“Not bad for day two, hmm?”

Jungkook giggled. Taehyung kissed him.

They took another shower. Jungkook loaded the sheets into the washer while Taehyung sat at the counter with his laptop, munching on a stale Starbucks bagel.

“It says here that most of the symptoms will drop off after five days.” Taehyung peered at his screen. “Cravings can last longer, though.”

“That’s for both of them?”

“That’s dex. Hold on.” More typing. “Okay, so Vyvanse can last a bit longer—up to a couple weeks.”

“I leaned more heavily on the dex. I liked the long-lasting stuff he gave me, put off the comedown as long as possible.”

“More bang for your buck, huh.”

Jungkook yawned, resting his head on the counter.

“Go sleep. I’ll do the grocery shopping.”

“Nah.” Jungkook forced himself to a standing position. “I’ll come.”

“Once you’re over this shit, you’ll probably want me to move out huh?”

There was a pause.

“I don’t use the den,” Jungkook said quietly. “I know it has no windows but I could buy sunlamps.”

The two of them looked at each other.

“I’ll be a lot busier once I go back to work. Honestly, it’s going to be hell until go-live. I’ll probably be pulling fifteen-hour days, but I’ll still get the odd lunchbreak. Besides, you’ll be working too, but there are always the nights to think about, and the odd jog…”

Taehyung’s eyes bore into him. Jungkook gripped the counter.

“I mean…” Jungkook trailed off.

“What are you suggesting?”

“Would you consider living together?” Jungkook squeezed his sides. He didn’t realize when he’d done it, but his arms were wrapped tight around his own body. “I totally understand if you were thinking of it as more of a temporary thing, a wacky adventure like you said, just thought I’d put it out there, but I realize—”

“Uh.”

Jungkook paused.

“I’d love to live with you,” Taehyung blurted.

Jungkook sucked in a shaky breath. A single tear tumbled down his cheek.

Taehyung was coming around the counter. Jungkook watched him approach through wide eyes.

“Gukkie…”

“Sorry,” Jungkook whispered.

Taehyung pulled him into his arms. An ugly sob rose up in Jungkook’s throat. Taehyung cradled the back of his head and made a deep cooing sound in Jungkook’s ear. Jungkook’s arms unravelled and wrapped around Taehyung instead.

“I’m a fucking mess.” Jungkook pressed his face to Taehyung’s shoulder. “Emotions are all over the place. Sorry.”

“I don’t mind, Gukkie.”

Withdrawal involved mood disturbances, but underneath the mess in his brain, Jungkook was beginning to realize that the study drugs were only part of the problem.

“We don’t have to sleep together and stuff. We can set up a bed in the den. You don’t have to pay rent—”

“I want to sleep with you.” Taehyung smoothed his thumbs over Jungkook’s cheekbones. “You’re cozy.”

Jungkook trembled.

“I appreciate that about the rent. I’d wager you make a bit more than I do with my Starbucks gig.” Taehyung chuckled. “Still, I want to contribute my piece. Can I start chipping in once my lease is up? I signed on until February.”

“Yeah, Tae. Whatever works for you.”

Here was a senior associate for one of the most prestigious consulting firms in the world, crying in the arms of someone he barely knew, begging him not to leave, laying himself bare. Jungkook felt stripped raw.

“Stupid emotions.”

“No.” Taehyung gazed into his eyes. “Your emotions are beautiful.”

Jungkook’s face crumped all over again.

***

Jungkook wanted to rent a moving truck, but Taehyung insisted that he didn’t own enough stuff to justify it. In the days leading up to Christmas, Taehyung left for work, and Jungkook pounded off emails, assigned test IDs, and networked with a few associates from the data science competency he wanted to transfer into—unofficial work he wasn’t really supposed to be doing, seeing as they were on a forced vacation, but pressing matters nonetheless. Taehyung returned around dinnertime with a few more items from his apartment. The den was piling up with boxes of stationary, an acoustic guitar, garbage bags stuffed with clothes. The windowsill in the common area was lined with Taehyung’s plants.

They spent Christmas eve in separate rooms on zoom calls with their families. They spent Christmas day baking pies, making out on the couch, and watching movies. They spent New Year’s Eve sipping champagne and running Taehyung’s favourite scenes—Jungkook with a play in hand, Taehyung by memory—and then, Jungkook’s vacation was over.

The weeks leading up to go-live were, as predicted, chaotic. Jungkook hadn’t noticed his lingering withdrawal symptoms as much when he was on vacation, but the pace of work accentuated how fatigued he still was, how unfocused he got sometimes. Meetings ran back-to-back. The client wanted something revised last minute, and the project manager dropped it in Jungkook’s lap four days from the deadline. He pulled two all-nighters reworking the files.

And then it was over, and Jungkook was lying on his back in the kitchen, laughing manically while Taehyung kissed his face.

“How should we celebrate?”

Taehyung smirked. “I have a few ideas.”

There was a light exhibit set up in a golf course on the edge of downtown. The city had decided to leave it up a couple weeks longer than usual in case people missed it during the period of heightened restrictions. Jungkook and Taehyung wobbled their way through a sea of twinkling Christmas trees, grinning gingerbread people, and ice sculptures.

“Shouldn’t have done it in the shower,” Taehyung murmured. “My legs always cramp up trying not to fall.”

“I’ll buy some anti-slip decals.”

“Might be a good idea.”

The two of them paused to examine a sleigh. Eight reindeer sprinted ahead of it in various poses.

“Mister and Missus Klaus look creepy as fuck,” Jungkook said.

“You’re saying you don’t wanna go sit on his knee?”

Jungkook snickered. 

Jungkook was dressed in a black bomber jacket, thermal sweatpants, and leather gloves. Taehyung had cocooned himself in a massive blue puffer coat and mittens. Their hands brushed. Jungkook glanced over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, nobody’s here to see your gay side.”

“I’m not worried about that.” Jungkook chewed his lip. “It’s more so if your aunt…”

“Would it really be so bad if she found out?”

“That depends.”

In his recent performance review, Hyejin had given Jungkook an ample raise, a hefty bonus, and a high rating. If Taehyung was right, and a promotion was on the way, it made Jungkook’s plan to switch practices all the more dubious.

“Sleeping with the regional partner’s nephew under the table is pretty bad. I already feel sketchy, given how many people I’ve been secretly networking with from the data science branch…”

“But it’s your dream, right? Working in data science?”

“I’m honestly not sure anymore.” Jungkook sighed. “I got the certificate and everything, but Jimin says they hustle even harder over there than in solutions architecture.”

“Even harder than you hustle now?” Taehyung gawked. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty wild. I don’t know if I’m cut out for it.” Jungkook kicked at a block of snow. “I don’t want to end up on drugs again.”

“How’ve you been feeling about that lately?”

“I get the odd craving, but it’s mostly in the past.” Jungkook shrugged. “I love my job, but I think I love it more when I have time to love it, you know? Plus…” He kept his gaze fixed ahead of him. “I’m starting to see that there’s a bit more to life than just work.”

They walked down a hill to a bridge leading across a frozen stream. The railings were wrapped in strings of red and white lights. 

“Hearing you talk about this stuff is surreal sometimes.” Taehyung gripped the railing with both hands. The bridge was covered with ice. “It’s wild to think that people’s careers are still grinding on when mine feels so… hypothetical. It’s hard to imagine being back on the stage.”

“Does it ever bother you—how much I talk about my job?”

“Not really.” Taehyung took a careful step. “You know, I have all this time on my hands, so I’ve been cooking a lot, redecorating, that kind of thing. I wondered if I might feel a bit triggered, like I was your housewife or something—”

“Oh god.”

“—but I don’t. I’m actually getting hardcore domestic boyfriend vibes, which is really sweet, like one of those yaois where—”

Jungkook’s Timberlands went skidding. He gripped Taehyung’s shoulder for dear life and Taehyung lurched. They cruised down the rest of the bridge, stamping and stumbling, and crashed into a frost fence. They ended up tangled together in a snow bank, crying with laughter.

“I got snow up my back,” Jungkook said. His voice was weirdly high-pitched.

Taehyung rolled on top of him and he screeched, even more high-pitched.

“I still gotta show you my favourite yaois.”

“Yeah dude. Fuck,” Jungkook said. “I forgot to reply to our roleplay.”

“It’s okay.” Taehyung laughed. “I get to fuck real-life Jungkook. I can wait a bit to fuck druid Tiefling Jungkook.”

“Also, my back is wet now.”

“Poor baby. Want me to lick it dry?”

Jungkook’s expression calmed. He gazed into Taehyung’s eyes. There was a long moment. And then he blushed all the way to his ears.

“What are you thinking about?” Taehyung asked, perplexed.

“I’m thinking about how much I’d like to hold your hand in public.”

“Is it always going to be impossible? Because of my aunt?”

“Not… necessarily.”

Taehyung stared at him. Jungkook stared at a star decoration over Taehyung’s shoulder.

“It would help if it wasn’t just… sleeping together.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re an actor,” Jungkook lamented. “You hate labels. You’re wild and creative and I don’t want to tie you down with all this conventional—”

“Are you saying it would be easier if we were in a relationship?”

Jungkook’s eyes were watering he was blushing so hard. 

“I could never tell Hyejin we’re banging, but a relationship is something I could _potentially_ bring up with her, if we decided we… well…”

“It’s funny,” Taehyung mused. “I’m decently close with my aunt, but I don’t get to see her business-y side. She must be pretty scary.”

“She’s okay. Taemin’s worse.”

Taehyung pulled Jungkook to his feet and helped him dust snow off his pants. Jungkook shuffled from foot-to-foot, watching Taehyung closely.

“You want me as your boyfriend, Gukkie?”

Jungkook thought about lying.

It wouldn’t be the hardest thing in the world to backtrack. He could say he was just spitballing, that he knew it was a crazy idea. They’d only been living together for a month. 

But so much had happened over the course of that one month. Jungkook quit study drugs. Christmas and New Years passed. Taehyung auditioned for a simulated patient job. Jungkook completed his project. They cooked meals, watched shows, and worked out together. It felt like he’d been living with Taehyung for a lot longer—perhaps the pandemic was distorting his perception of time—and yet, it also felt like this was just the beginning.

Besides…

Taehyung was blushing now too.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said.

A pause.

“Alright.” Taehyung nodded. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Another pause.

Taehyung started to giggle. Jungkook did too.

“Yolo, right?”

“Oh Gukkie,” Taehyung said. “Are you crying?”

“Nope.”

Taehyung pulled Jungkook into his arms.

They took a selfie by the bridge. Jungkook’s nose was red and his eyes were watery, but he promised he’d post it to Instagram the second he talked to Hyejin. They walked back to the parking lot holding hands.

The pandemic stretched on.

Taehyung didn’t get the job at the hospital. Jungkook was assigned to a project in business intelligence, which wasn’t exactly data science, but it sort of scratched the itch. Taehyung took on a virtual puppeteering gig. January temperatures dropped so low they took a break from jogging and did virtual aerobics routines instead.

Life wasn’t perfect.

Jungkook wondered how things might change once the theatres opened again. He Googled the success rates of relationships established during the pandemic. The research was, understandably, quite scarce. He bought Taehyung a sewing machine for his puppet-making. He tossed and turned some nights, scheming about ways to keep Taehyung around.

Life wasn’t all bad, either.

He spent fifteen minutes on a video call with Hyejin discussing unrelated work items until he finally spat it out that he was dating her nephew. She hardly seemed that surprised, although she grilled him with questions about how it had all gone down until she had to sign off for her next meeting. He exited the call drenched in sweat.

“You told her we’ve been having coffees since before the office closed?”

“What was I supposed to say—that I wandered into a park, high on dex, and found you peeing under a tree?” 

“What about the fact that we live together?”

“I left that out.” Jungkook mopped his brow. “I couldn’t figure out how to get to that without telling her about the study drug thing.”

“Okay. So technically, we just do sleepovers.”

Taehyung and Jungkook rehearsed their story like they were going to perform it at the Belasco.

Life wasn’t great, but life wasn’t bad either. Jungkook was grateful that he had someone to spend his hours with. He knew firsthand how much worse it could be.

He speculated that mutual loneliness played a part in how quickly he and Taehyung had fallen in with each other. _Both needy fucks,_ as Taehyung liked to put it, but living with Taehyung was also incredibly easy. Being Taehyung’s boyfriend was no sweat at all. Jungkook toyed with the idea that codependence was only toxic in certain circumstances, when something was actually going wrong. 

He was also aware that things wouldn’t always be like this.

He and Taehyung were currently locked in a hermetically sealed bubble. Jungkook’s apartment was a secret world that only the two of them shared. The pandemic was a spell that had been cast on the world. Jungkook was a little nervous about what would happen when the spell lifted and the world woke up again, but part of him was also a little excited.

“Think about opening night—I’ll get you front-row tickets.”

“I’ll wear a suit, maybe bust out that bowtie Seokjin bought me last spring—”

“And we can go travelling.”

“I’ll use my bonus. We could go anywhere, Paris, Spain, Asia—”

“Think about how sharp we’d look cutting down Champs-Elysées.”

“And you can meet my brother in person.”

It was all true.

But for now, they hunkered down with a new Netflix show. Taehyung romanced elves, anime characters, and vampires on Discord. Jungkook bought a new set of weights. Taehyung bought a new strap-on.

“Who would I be?”

“That’s hard to say.” Taehyung looked between Jungkook and the screen. “You kinda strike me as Viktor in the streets but Yuuri in the sheets.”

“I like… wanna argue with that, but I can’t.”

“You don’t have to choose right now, but when cons come back, that’s another story.”

Jungkook joined Taehyung in the kitchen when he could. They cooked stews. They listened to entire albums, lying on their backs on Jungkook’s shag rug. They took bubble baths. Jungkook bought a standing desk. Taehyung begged Jungkook to order a fancy spanking paddle off Etsy. He bought that too.

They indulged in the moments they had together, and—pandemic be damned—Jungkook couldn’t remember a time when he’d been less stressed. Sometime mid-January, he stood by the couch, looking out over the city.

“I can’t believe how… _alright_ I feel.”

“Good alright or bad alright?” Taehyung was sitting cross-legged in front of the closet mirror, giving himself a bowl cut. He was surrounded by clumps of hair. The back of his t-shirt was a fuzzy disaster.

“Good alright.”

Taehyung’s reflection smiled at Jungkook in the mirror. Jungkook walked over and squatted next to him. Taehyung turned to face him. His bangs were noticeably lopsided.

“Thank you,” Jungkook said.

“For what?” Taehyung searched Jungkook’s eyes. He seemed a little lost.

Jungkook looked into the mirror.

The shadows under his eyes were hardly noticeable. Apart from his usual acne scars, his skin looked mostly clear. His cheeks were more filled out. So were the muscles in his arms.

He turned back to Taehyung.

“For being here with me through this,” he said. “For being you.”

_For everything._

“No,” Taehyung said softly. “I should be thanking you.”

Taehyung’s mouth was flecked with specks of hair. Jungkook kissed him anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter/Instagram: @vanishedelf


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